As many of you know I am (impatiently) waiting to apply to government jobs. "Why wait?" you ask. That's because, like most places, I have to wait for a position to open before I can even apply. It makes sense, but it's hard to keep that in perspective when you're as impatient as I am. Plus most of these jobs are located on the east coast, 99.9% in Washington DC. I'm trying very hard to patiently wait over here in San Francisco because of two things: my husband and the interesting job I have now. (More on that later.) Plus, when will I ever get the chance to live in SF again? I keep myself on all government job listservs to watch for potential things opening up. Since Pratik only has 2.5 years left (who's counting?), me applying ASAP is a good idea seeing as it gives me a cushion for rejection time as well as a cushion for security clearance, etc. I didn't realize this was going to be such a lengthy process. (However, in times of economic hardship, let me reiterate that I'm grateful I have a job.) My ultimate goal is being a linguist for the government. Any branch, sector, bureau, division, department-all of them interest me.
NOW FOR THE GOOD PART. I'm going to take out my impatience with the method I always use: humor. Seeing as I'm on all these listservs, I thought that the lengthy process I took to sign myself up for all of them would filter out what I'm not qualified for, like checking the physically handicapped box or language skills. Nope...every morning, I get them all. Here are some of my favorites:
TSA Screener: Yup, that's exactly how I want to spend my expensive tuition dollars-becoming the lady at the airport that takes away your nail file and reminds you to remove all change from your pockets before entering the metal detector. At least I can say it in multiple languages.
Engineer: Mechanical, electrical, all kinds of engineers are wanted. However, I think my lack of an ENGINEERING degree would disqualify me from that.
Electrician (High Voltage): Same thing, pretty sure my lack of knowledge would disqualify me. I'm not sure where I checked the "engineering" and "electrician" boxes. Also I'm pretty sure I would never be allowed to work with high voltage items. Ever.
Secretary/Clerk/Administrative Specialist: No, no and no. I do enough paperwork and mind-numbing tasks for one absent-minded academic at home. I'm not doing that for an entire bureau. (And I get those a LOT. Previous people who held the post must have been onto something.)
Biologist: I took bio in college on a pass/fail basis. I passed. Barely. 'Nuff said.
Chemist: This is when I get mad at said husband. He can have his pick of the litter when he's done with school, he doesn't need to be taking my territory!
Nurse: Could someone tell me when I went to nursing school?
HR Specialist (Recruitment): So I can go and recruit myself for the job I really want.
Fingerprint ID Specialist: Might come in handy if I need to prove that Pratik did in fact move my stuff.
And finally, my favorite. Drum roll please:
Bomb Appraisal Officer: God bless the people who do that, but I'm pretty certain they don't want me on their squad. Plus, I'm pretty sure that the "physically disabled" box I checked would disqualify me from this position. I don't think I'd exactly "take cover" as quickly as the others!
A big shout out to the folks at CLARKSBURG, WEST VIRGINIA who have job announcements on these listservs practically daily. I don't know why I continue to hold my breath in hopes that when I open these emails, the dream job annoucement will be in it. Nope, it's just another one from Clarksburg. On the list of exciting places I thought my life would lead me, West Virginia was never on it.
Here's to hoping, wishing and praying some more...and knowing I'm too motivated to not succeed.
