I'm always nostalgic for everywhere that I'm not...I really feel like a dog chasing its tail.
If/when we leave San Fran/Cali, I'll miss it terribly. It wormed its way into my heart. Let's face it, I'm made for it out here. The San Fran lifestyle suits me entirely too well.
I miss being within reasonable travel distance of many places in the eastern US.
I miss Taipei so much I'm not even sure I could return without having an emotional breakdown...I've really got to quit watching Chinese movies by myself at all hours of the night. Damn Netflix streaming! However, it's a part of my life that I need back.
I have these two conflicting schools of thought in my life: throwing it all to the wind and traveling, and trying to find some roots, somewhere. It's hard for me to take anywhere seriously when we have zero roots. This is why I didn't want to let Cali worm its way into my heart...
We've got serious wanderlust in this house...I'm not the only one. P's ready to pack his bags. He's writing like a madman...He's been at the lab since about 10 this morning...it's going on midnight. He came home for dinner and went back. I don't know how he does it. With schoolwork, any type of work really, I just shut down at some point. (Usually, I start bawling because I stress myself out so badly.) His academic stamina is astounding. That man is made to be a professor, mark my (and his colleagues') words.
It's difficult for me to have so little of a plan formulated at this point. By Christmas, our lives could be totally upside down, and it's already summer and I haven't the faintest clue what's going on...it's a foreign concept to me! I'm all ready to be supportive, but my only task is thumb twiddling it seems. It's hard to not be able to interject myself. (How helpful can I be in science, really?) This is where my independent side is restless...having to rely on someone else's schedule is a difficult compromise! It's even difficult to sleep knowing he's plunking away at work and there's nothing I can do to help the process.
I'm not sure what stage of "grief" we're in. Is mental exhaustion one? I do know we are in serious, serious need of passport stamping, plane hopping, and decompressing. Second honeymoon time...
